My dad

Gosh, I don't want to write this post but, I also can't get behind in writing it. I know I want to remember and share this for posterity. 

So the day came, the day my dad died. It's been exactly 1 week since last Wednesday morning when he passed away. It seems so weird. Surreal and hard to believe and get used to. But, also I feel peace and happiness. Happy that he is free from his ill mind and happy for my mom to be able to have her life back after caring so well for my dad. She has cared for him and loved him so selflessly. It was getting harder and harder by the end. I imagine a relief is lifted for her. I look forward to what her future holds and what she is able to do.

I want to do a brief review of how it all came to be. So, 5 years ago he was diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer's. And his memory was slipping away. It started out with names, and words. Then got worse, then more confusion. My mom retired early 13 months ago to stay home and care for him full time. Because he needed it. And this last year he really was on a decline. And by the end of this September we held a family Fast for my parents. My dad was getting combative and agitated and a little violent. There was no way she could take care of him if he was going to be like that. So we prayed that he wouldn't and she would find a way to continue to care for him. Putting him in a care home wasn't really an option financially. So the very next week, after a few phone calls, Hospice came (Home Health) and the nurse said he qualified, at the beginning of her assessment she could tell. The picture below is the last one I took of him, while the nurse was going over paperwork with my mom. Dad was there with us and even was joking around and laughing a bit.

They got him on some medication to help him, and it did help at first. After about a week, my mom was trying to figure out the meds and how many doses and work with all the side effects. Waiting to get them in his system. Then they had to stop some of the meds because they weren't helping him the way they help most dementia/Alzheimer's patients. These new meds made him very drowsy. So he was sleeping a lot. Then he slept even more. My mom had to wake him up to feed him and get him showered. 

The last Saturday the 18th we all met at my parents and gutted her basement getting ready for a remodel. I peeked in on my dad that day while my mom was trying to feed him. He slept that whole day. The next few days, she was able to give him a hair cut, the aide and nurse had come by to check him. And then by Tuesday night, my mom called to have my brother and sister come help try and wake him up, he hadn't been awake for a while. He didn't really wake up. (Perhaps he was in a coma?) That night she said she could hear him breathing heavy and kinda fast all night. So Wednesday morning the 22nd she got up and jumped in the shower after checking on him and when she got out, he was gone. At 7:30am she called me on the phone to tell me. We cried, Greg and I called around and found people to take the boys and I headed up to Bountiful for the day. And the next 7 days actually.

In the rest of the pictures: It as trippy to see his official obituary. My brother Drew and sis-in-law Alecia and their kids flew out the next day and so we were all there together to help plan everything for the funeral. In the picture we had all met at Russon Bro's Mortuary to see dad/grandpa Lee and they talked to the kids about death and showed the "white glove" spirit demonstration they do. And then the grand-kids all gathered together practicing their songs for the funeral.

My mom's siblings were so great. They brought meals for our whole group several times. My dad's sisters flew in and notified everyone for my mom. We got started with funeral planning, cemetery, picking the casket, flowers, mortuary, obituary, and gathering pictures. 

Funerals are a big to-do, and we are so glad it is over. It's been bitter sweet feelings. My mom is holding up well. We have all been blessed with strength to get through this last week. Dad was too young. It is sad. But I feel a happy relief for him at the same time. I'll talk about the funeral next.

Scary Rafe

It's beginning. The never ending asking how much longer until Halloween. Oooh, I keep forgetting every year to make a countdown chain or something. My boys are so excited. Here is scary skeleton Rafe yesterday wanting to show all the kids walking home from school his costume. He and Bodie have been wearing them for 2 days now. I've purposely waited to get them out because of that.

I do love Halloween time. And now it's fall break, what are we going to do?!

Zoo Zoo

After years of talking about going back to the zoo as a family, we finally did it this last Saturday. On a whim. We realized our day was free, so decided to head up to the Hogle Zoo. They have been updating the zoo a lot. And it was cleaner and nicer than I thought it would be. So we spent a couple hours there and enjoyed seeing our boys loving seeing the animals. Rafe was just a baby last time we all went. Although kids field trips often go to the zoo. It was perfect weather too. The parking lot was over flowing, I was worried. But it wasn't too crowded inside. 

As I was taking the picture of the Orangutang, he climbed right on up to the window and reached for my camera. It was kinda cool. But we were safe behind the glass. One thing I thought was lame of the zoo, is that we had to hold Rafe up to see anything. You'd think they would "cater" more to little kids. The fences were too high and the arm rest platforms were in the way for Bodie, so he was always peering between wood and wire fences or trying to climb up to see.

Where were all the monkeys, zebra's, ostrich, and male lion? All the boys were wondering. Jax was bummed all the birds were taken indoors somewhere for the winter. But all-in-all it was great fun.

And on a whim on Sunday evening we drove up to our spot on top of the mountains by East Canyon. It was pretty of course, and cold, so we were only outside for 60 seconds. We were weeks later than normal to see the fall colors. But still did see some nice orange and rust color.

Happen'n

 Our shy Bodie is coming out of his shell. His Kindergarten class had a program. They performed a bunch of Nursery Rhymes. And at the end they recited one on their own in front of everyone. Bodie practiced and practiced. We changed the one he was going to say a few times. But finally settled on a short and sweet Humpty Dumpty. He did very well. He is really loving school. I have been able to go help in his classroom several times. And I love being in there to see how he is and what he does. 

And I love the middle picture where he is very, very carefully doing the Itsy Bitsy Spider (I call it that) or is it Incy Wincy?

And while we had programs, played with friends, played video games, did Bodie's last soccer game, Grandma's house, watching Gen. Conference, Creed sleeping over in this little brother's room, Jax was doing this...

 He finally got to go on the Elk Hunt camping trip with Greg and posse. He has wanted to go for years. And talked about it for years. I lost my battle of him not being old enough. And Jax was giddy as could be to go. Greg said he was a trooper. He woke up excited, hiked, waited, hiked, waited, talked and asked a billion questions, did little complaining, and had a great time. Don't worry, he didn't shoot the gun.

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A few more random things we've been up to... Greg filmed a video about the Glove trying to get it made, marketed, and the works, I did 2 assemblies (yikes!) for Reflections at the elementary school -I'm one of the co-chairs this year and probably in over my head. I didn't volunteer for it by the way. And some fun shots of Rafe mowing the lawn with daddy this week. He is always the one to go outside and be with dad while he mows. And just today I took the little boys to a park for a bit. They had lots of slide fun together.

Fall Ball

 We are in the thick of fall stuff right now. We had to scale back some sports because we had way too much overlapping and no free evenings. And with school, homework, scouts, dinner, soccer, T-ball, and B-ball practice, and everything in between it was going to be over loaded. 4 kids all wanting to do activities can be a little crazy and time consuming. So Creed will do something later, Jax passed on soccer for Basketball, Bodie is playing soccer again with his little buddy and Rafe is doing what all of his brother's have done when they were 3. 

T-ball for Rafe! 3 year olds are funny trying to play sports. Rafe is all kinds of confused. So far we have to tell him every step of the way what to do and where to run. Maybe by the end of the season he'll "get it" a little better. He is so cute playing. He skips to the next base, puts his tongue like a ball to his cheek or lips, doesn't say a word, wont' smile unless I tell him to, and is happy to finally be the one getting a treat after a game. Many tears have been shed seeing his brother's always get treats while he doesn't. He is loving his baseball.

And I have to mention the character Bodie. Playing soccer again. He is always touching or pushing and goofing off with his BFF Canon at the games. We are always telling them to pay attention to the ball and the game. His shoe comes off at least once a game, and he'll get some good soccer ball contact a couple times a game. Lots of running and exercise for him.

ALZ Walk

Alzheimer's Sucks! Or as the boys say, All-timer's. We have good reason to do the Walk to End Alzheimer's. It happens nation wide in the fall. And we signed up for the Salt Lake County one that took place this last weekend. My boys really enjoyed it. They did it for their grandpa! They were able to add a flower to the flower garden they had. Writing their names, Grandpa Lee's name and a picture they could leave their mark on the cause. They were proud to "plant" them.

I am so glad we joined the walk. The boys will remember it. And I know they are glad to help in any way for something to do with their Grandpa Williamsen "Lee". I also did it for supporting the caregiver, my awesome mom!

Every once-in-a-while my boys will see me tear up and know that something has made me sad about my dad having Alzheimer's and slowly losing him. I can't help it. Since they can't know him the way I do at least they can see that I love him. It was a small contribution for an awful disease. It was nice to feel like I can show support somehow and teach my children about what goes on in the world. 

The sun was out (too bright for happy pictures), it was getting hot, they started way late, but we did our walk, some of us held hands, or held our flowers, wished they could have a balloon, then we were done and left. Easy peasy. I then had to hurry back up to Park City to rejoin my high school girlfriends on our annual weekend retreat. Which I always need and love by the way! And Greg was on to the boys sports games and Saturday stuff.

Stupid Alzheimer's!

Popeye

 So it's no secret that Rafe can be a grump. If he gets mad or upset he screams, he is VERY difficult. The last little while when he gets mad he goes Popeye on us!

Greg started calling his mad face just like Popeye. We all started calling it that. So now we can even say, "Rafe do Popeye". He'll pull the mean grumpy lip out for us. And it's usually out on it's own all too often.

 Check out his new face.

 Wait! Here is the Popeye face. Even better!

Dear to my Heart

On Labor Day Monday, I went with my mom and dad on a nice drive. Just like old times. Growing up I would join them, or me and some of my siblings or the whole family would go for a drive. Like on a Sunday afternoon or something. It is something my parents enjoyed doing together. This time my mom and I got to talk and gab and we kinda "tested" my dad to see what he could remember or what seemed familiar to him. Just curious for fun. We drove up to "the Valley".  

My whole life was spent going up there, to Eden, Utah at the home up there in the valley by Pineview. And my dad's whole life was spent going up there as well. It has changed a ton and makes my heart sad how it almost doesn't seem like the same place. But the memories are there and will forever be special. I captured a few of my favorite views as we would drive in or out. And also a little horse wagon/carriage that we would ride when I was little, or even we'd be the horse and pull others around. I feel like I should go back and take many more pictures to capture more memories. I think my siblings have pictures over the years, right? I'll have to get some more from them.

My dad said he knew where he was when we asked him. But I didn't notice him expressing that he "knew" where he was. We drove back down through Ogden and we passed by his high school and we had to tell him what it was (although from the back of it), but when we drove by his middle school. He pointed and tapped my shoulder that he knew that place. He finally got all excited. He did seemed pleased to be on the drive and liked being up at the valley. It's always kinda fun to see what he remembers and how it changes from time to time. And of course it's kinda sad too. Always sad.

My mom and I were talking about my dad, his family, grandparents, etc. And my mom was trying to recall some stories and things but figured what she didn't know or couldn't recall correctly she'll just have to ask my dad's uncle or sisters. What a shame that we just can't ask him. I felt really sad later when I was thinking he would've just been able to talk and tell us things like he used to. Oh how I miss him. Stupid Alzheimer's.
 

A few weeks ago we had dinner at my parents house. Hamburgers and then dessert. It was sweet to see my mom feeding my dad. He can still feed himself. Usually pretty good, slowly, a lot of times he probably spills. But I captured a moment trying to keep his shirt clean and perhaps this day he didn't quite know how to hold his hamburger together or get the drippy dessert to his mouth.

My brother said how this picture shows an amazing amount of love. I have to agree. She loves him and serves him. She is Christlike and I love her for it! What an example.

Pancakes and Pool

 I wanted to mention last Friday we had our annual Back to School Breakfast in our front yard. Our neighbors and friends come over before school and we cook up some pancakes and everyone else brings potluck. The boys love it. It's fun and I figure we'll do it while our kids are in elementary school and while we can I guess. Good times.

It was a pretty low key Labor Day weekend. We played with cousins, went to a park, hung around, I went for a drive with my parents (more on that later) I did get some pictures of the kids playing in the Abbott's pool again this year.
 Creed flipping, Jax trying the cannonball blow up thing, warming up, and sliding. They had a fun Monday afternoon. Greg's favorite was -what he calls "Alpine Gold" - corn on the cob from his parents garden, in Alpine. And then we all pigged out on the Zucchini bread I made. Also from their garden.

1st Days

 So we now have a 4th grader, 2nd grader, kindergartner, and my baby in preschool. Yup. All of them in school. Holy Moly! 

Here is Jax and Creed on their first day last week. And Rafe and Bodie on their first day this morning.

Last week we all walked with the neighborhood group to the school. We said good-bye to Jax. He stayed at the other end of the school. (the older/big kids) and we took Creed over to the chaos on the other end. You can see the crazy crowds. Neither Jax or Creed are in classes with their best buddies. Jax was upset about that, but Creed didn't seem to care. After the 1st week I asked how it was and if they like their class and have "friends" in them. They both said it's fine and great after all. Phew!

  

And Bodie boy started Kindergarten today. I have been so worried for him. His teacher is concerned as well (after his assessment last week). We will see how this year goes. Heck, how this month goes. A few weeks ago he turned 5. And now he's in school. He is the young baby of the his age group. But certainly not the smallest. He is at the same school Creed went to for Kindergarten. Which is different from the older boys right now. We are avoiding the teacher at their school. So we sacrifice and drive him to another everyday. Last night he asked me how he makes friends and what to do. It was so cute.

When I was trying to take pictures of the younger 2 boys this morning. I had to wipe both their tears and try and make them happy. Both were crying over something Creed did. You can see some wet tears down Bodie's shirt. I got lucky with Rafe and dabbed his eyes dry and their eyes weren't all red.

Bodie did so good this morning at school. I was worried he'd cry and wouldn't want to stay. I think having his brothers there this morning playing on the play ground at the start totally helped. He was having such a good time, then the bell rang, they all entered and he marched right in and I had to yell at him to turn and say goodbye to us. Then I hurried home to get the older 2 off to school. And last was Rafe a little later going to preschool.

After school Bodie was waiting happily by his teacher (Mrs. Archer) for me to pull up in the car, and so excited showing us what he brought home. Rafe was excited to see too. 

Speaking of Rafe, he was so excited and happy to go to preschool. He and I went today and met his teachers, Miss Jen and Miss Pam and made his place mat. He can't stop talking about it. He is beyond thrilled to be in school like ALL his brothers.